Daily life in Egypt now

Hi everyone!! We are getting several emails and PMs about our safety here in Cairo, so I thought I would send out a little update for our friends and family and Fox News die hards who wonder if we are in danger and/or on the brink of needing to come home…

In a word…we are fine. Life is normal. What you are seeing on the news is real and truly happening..but it’s important to remember that what is on the news is only one square in all of Cairo. It’s about the size of 4 city blocks. Please understand that Cairo is a mega-metropolis of over 19 million people. So if 1 million people are in Tahrir….that means 18 million are still going about their daily lives. Outside of Tahrir Square, life is normal. Shops are open. People are dining out, going to work, hanging out with friends. My kids are walking to and from school every day. Micah and I went shopping today (on foot) and bought fruit and lunch. The sun is shining, people are smiling…and while they are truly sad and disheartened about the political situation it’s very calm here and we are in no danger. Starbucks is still packed and McDonald’s is still delivering. LOL…

This does not mean that people are unaffected. The hearts of Egyptians are hurting and angry. The Revolution was about bringing about change and democracy…not bringing in another dictator..so naturally they are upset. But, by in large, they are doing just like most of us do when we hate what our government does. They talk about it, vent about it, argue about it….and pray about it. There is fear from different sects on what this will mean for religious freedoms, for businesses here, for personal rights and choices being removed but….how that plays out for the daily routine of most people… is very normal.

Thank you so much for all your emails and PMs. We are grateful to not be forgotten. Please continue to pray for Egypt and it’s beautiful people and for this government that is struggling to find footing and move forward in a better future. We are open to any questions or concerns you may have regarding this area of the world, believe me we have heard it all. 🙂

All grace to yall-Rebecca

A Soul Bowed in Thanks

I just couldn’t do it…the 30 days of thanks this year….I just couldn’t. Every single day I am so overwhelmed by so many emotions and reasons to be thankful this season that I just about exploded trying to put it all in a status update.

This year…it has been the most profound and humbling year of my life. Never have I been so stripped bare. If I could describe to you in a word picture of what I have been through …it would be something like this. Imagine driving past a lovely cottage house that had the yard manicured, the shudders painted, the cozy trimming and inviting door. By looking at the house you could tell that the house is cared for and someone loves it ….and then one day you drive by and the yard is violently vandalized with gaping holes where flowers once bloomed, the shudders are riddled with bullet holes, the door is hanging on the the hinges and as you looked inside, you saw that while the owner took great care of the outside…on the inside she was a horder. The things in her home didn’t even represent the image you had imagined of the owner….because what you saw on the inside was garbage and worthless things stocked floor to ceiling.

This year, everything I have ever said, believed, had faith in….was rocked, tested to the absolute limits. To the point where I understood why people didn’t want to live or fell into addictions and escapes…why they just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up. No I was not suicidal or even close but I came to a point where I was so overwhelmed and so emotionally drained that all I wanted was “off the rollercoaster” at whatever the cost. And you know what…while it was the most painful experience of my life…I will tell you with full confidence, I would do it all again. No, not just so we could see the miracle of this long suffering adoption completed and have Micah home but …I would do it again because at the end of all that…when I stood exposed in the dark valley of my soul and  from the depths of my core I screamed at God for all this injustice..He did not leave me in that pit. Rather He slowly raised me…resurrecting my faith …showing me gently all the things in my life that I have stowed neatly away in nice packages. He showed me, in HIs kindness, that sin was still rampant in my life and I was walking in false humility when I spoke of His mercy and love covering me and my life. He showed me the difference between bowing my head in prayer and falling prostrate at the foot of the cross and clinging for my life.

I am thankful for so very many things. Micah being home, being able to finally say I am a mother of 4, my husband who has withstood with intense grace all my emotional storms, my family, health, friends…..but at the end of this day…the things that rocks my world? It’s  that I have a Savior, who never ceases to take this stubborn, selfish, doubting wicked woman and through the grace of Jesus continues to change me into a life made brand new (2 Corinthian 2:17). Oh yes, the tangible blessings are great. They are countless….especially this year. But  far greater is a God who will not abandon us and who even when we doubt Him will love us anyway… (1 John 4:19)

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Seeking Series #2-Lessons from a hunk of Cheese

I was grating cheese under a sign that my sister-in-law, Amy, gave me. The sign reads “Choose Joy”.  Arrogantly,I spoke the bitter words out loud to no one physical but One who is all spirit and said, “Would this cheese ‘Choose Joy’?” Because I feel like the cheese. I feel shredded and spread out too thin.

Let me just be super honest here. I battle 2 major sins right now. 1. Self-pity 2.Bitterness….but I guess they kinda go hand in hand. You’d think after having my greatest prayer answered that my heart would just be in the most gracious and humbled place. It’s not. I don’t know why and I hate that it’s here. I am proof that the changing of circumstances doesn’t change the condition of a heart. I am sooo much like the Isrealite…taken from one bondage and then because of my sin I fall into another. Yesterday in church the congregation sang, “You are worthy of it all” and I fought back sobs because I don’t feel like that is true. I KNOW it’s true and I want so very much to sing those words with gusto and authenticity but I can’t ….instead I sing with conviction, I sing with desire to mean it and I just sing because…I know God is there and I know He hears the worship of a woman who is seeking Him.

This week as I was meditating on seeking, I realized that I had no idea or blueprint for what that looks like. So I went through the Bible searching for the verses that talked about “seeking with your whole heart” I got stuck on Psalm 119….this chapter gave me hope. The heart of author of 119 is what I want to be true for myself. I love that the author doesn’t pretend to have it all together.. read this

Teach me, Lord, the way of your decrees,
that I may follow it to the end.[b]
34 Give me understanding, so that I may keep your law
and obey it with all my heart.
35 Direct me in the path of your commands,
for there I find delight.
36 Turn my heart toward your statutes
and not toward selfish gain.
37 Turn my eyes away from worthless things;
preserve my life according to your word.[c]
38 Fulfill your promise to your servant,
so that you may be feared.
39 Take away the disgrace I dread,
for your laws are good.
40 How I long for your precepts!
In your righteousness preserve my life.

The author is saying ….”Help ME”. As you read this entire Psalm you realize that the author is burning with a desire to really understand God and His word. He is seeking just like me…just like you. And what are we promised if we seek God? Prosperity? Health?…What?

Looking again at the verse that started this whole “seeking” journey, Matthew 6:33 it’s important to see that this verse is slap dab in the middle of Jesus’s famous Sermon on the Mount. The verses above “Seek first the Kingdom of God..” are all about being anxious for our needs to be met. Jesus tells of God’s great concern and provision for those things that He created and sustains. So Jesus is saying, all these things (the things that you need to be sustained) will be added to you if you seek first the Kingdom of God. We are promised that we will be sustained. We are promised that all we need to be sustained will be given to us….and I say this with a bit of fear because the kicker is, what we need to be sustained and what we think we need to be sustained could be vastly different. I am promised I will be sustained. Even when I feel like cheese being shredding and spread thin. I will be sustained by His care and His strength…by His righteousness..I am sustained by His grace and my faith even when I struggle to reconcile my emotions and truth.

Today, I write this by the mercies granted to me new each morning. As I read Psalm 119 again today I read the words as a prayer…..and when I came to verses that weren’t true about me…I would speak out loud, “Make this true for me”….and I remembered the cheese…and I think about being spread thin. I think how cheese (kind a of like salt) really makes all things better but a big huge hunk of cheese is really of no use to anyone. It simply must be melted, sliced, diced of grated or it festers and becomes a big block of mold. It has to be transformed. Cheese makes most things better…pizza, tacos…it makes a soupy casserole perfect. It adds just the right splash of color to a veggie plate..So I guess the answer to the question “would this cheese ‘choose joy’? ” is ‘yes’. Because isn’t being changed and transformed in order to be useful better than just being thrown out because of being moldy. I don’t want to be a hunk of cheese.

This week I encourage you to read Psalm 119 at least 5 times. It’s long…but so worth it. AS you read ask yourself , “Can I identify with the author here or there? If not, why? What are things in my life that hold my eyes more than God? ” I will be reading it too..

Prayer: Holy God of all the earth. You are worthy of everything. Please forgive, once again, for my prideful heart that wants to show you all my good works (that really amount to nothing) and demand that you bless me as I want. You know what is best. You are my Good Shepard. Please lead me to the waters that are best for me. Help me to see your face in your Word. Help me to hear and know your voice in my daily life. Strengthen my convictions on the things that I am numb too. Help me seek you ….Help me find you. Help me to love you with all my heart. Be glorified oh precious one in my life, such as it is. Help me to finsh well though I am frail and weak. By your Spirit sustain me.”

Blessings and grace
Rebecca Smith

*This was orginially ment to be an email sent to those who wanted to follow my journey of learning what it means to truly seek the Lord. This is the 2nd email sent out. If you are interested in reading the intro, I will be happy to send it to you via email.

When what I want isn’t God’s will.

I admit it. I have farming fantasies…you know the kind where I am washing dishes in my vintage style apron and peep toe heels and I look out of my window over the freshly hung laundry to see my husband (who looks great in a black t-shirt because it makes his kind blue eyes shine) walk across the yard carrying wood or a ladder….I love space and green land, blue skies and black dirt…this is what I would love to have in life…but that isn’t the life I am called to live~ at least not right now.

I have been pondering lately what to do when what I want and what Gods will for my life is doesn’t match up. Where do I turn when I leave my family and friends and head back to new friends and a country that is beautiful and amazing but nothing like what feels like home. I know all about how God talks about laying our lives down, living for what is eternal but the truth is ….the truth is…my heart is breaking. Breaking because I wish I was stronger, more committed. Breaking because I have a little boy in my arms that I begged to have for 4 years and yet…here I am still struggling to give my life over to God. After all the miracles I saw, after all the overwhelming blessings I have been given….can I not give up my life for just a few years?! Is there no end to me? Is there no end to my pursuit of myself?

You see, I don’t believe the crap about “follow your heart”. My heart deceives me. One day it desires something and the next something else. One day I am content and the next I am obsessed with something else. I mean really, my heart is moved by music, movies, books…it’s not a worthy instrument on which to build my life. So what do I do?

Do I plug along looking faithful on the outside and struggling on the inside. Is it really about “choosing what is right” or “deciding to be faithful”? Perhaps had I been asked this question last year, I would have said yes. I would maybe have said that you “put your hand to the plow and go forward”. I would have said something like “It’s hard for everyone at some point. Everything is about seasons.” I really can’t imagine what I may have come up with because now all I can say now is confess …

I have come to a conclusion that I serve a God that is actually big enough for me to be honest with. I have realized that it’s ok for me to not want His will on one hand and on the other totally desire to live and serve Him. They are NOT contradictory…they are NOT different. As long as I am continually confessing these shortcomings, fears and feelings to God then I am not in sin. The excerise of faith is in the confession..it’s in the prayer..it’s in the believing that God exists and hears me…even when I am at my worst. I am in sin when what I want becomes and idol and turns to bitterness thus leading me to withhold a great deal of my life from not only God but from those around me.

I am not ready to leave the quiet green pastures or the foothills of the Ochoco Mountains. I am not ready to kiss my nieces and nephews goodbye or tell my in-laws or sweet friends ‘see ya later’. I am not ready…I am not ready …and that is ok. It’s ok because all my life I have struggled with understanding how to draw close to God. How to feel His presence in my life? How do I have that intimate relationship with Him like those in my life that I admire? Well…This last few months I think I have learned something.

I have learned that God wants to really know me….and me being me…doesn’t really seek Him out in my moments of certainty and natural strength…I don’t lean on Him when I am most in love with my life. I am not as thankful as I should be for all the gifts I have when all is right in my world. Oh no, it takes the battle to show me how merciful He is, how much I need Him. It takes me being left with no strength or tears left to cry for me to begin see through eyes that matter. To see the
hurt of others, beyond my selfish desires. It takes the pain of saying goodbye to those I love for me to release them into the creators hands. It takes leaving where I am most comfortable for me to live most dependent on God…and I am not saying that I am overly happy about that…but I am just saying it is the truth.

Today I have read many verses…ones that remind me to depend on Gods strength and not my own, ones that say to live as a living sacrifice… to live for what is eternal, to but the verse that means the most? The verse that rocks my world?

The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18

Because the nearness of God is all that matters in life. It is what makes the world turn and the heart of a this selfish woman beat…and even when I don’t want to walk the path before me…I am not alone. God is near.

Dear Kristen Stewart ….(and all young women)

Darling girl,
You have been on my heart this week and in my rare quiet moments I have found myself praying for you. Which is odd..because we don’t know each other, nor will we ever meet. But after reading your apology to Rob for your indiscretion, my heart broke for you. No, not because your relationship may have ended, but because I remember all to clearly being 22. I remember living impulsively, thinking more with my heart and hormones rather than my head. I remember sometimes looking at my life and thinking, “how did I get here?”.  The reason my heart broke was because I remember my shame and guilt. And it was very great indeed. Words carelessly spoken dissolved friendships and caused heartbreak, actions that should have meant alot held no promise and destroyed relationships that were sweet…. because I was too young to realize that everything I did really does matters in life. 

I hurt many people when I was younger. I left the impression that all I cared about was myself…and at the time that was marginally true, but mostly, I wasn’t thinking about anything but the moment. Truthfully, half the time I wasn’t even thinking …I was feeling…and feelings?  They change alot. Making them not a great foundation upon which to live. I made my mistakes in private without the world watching and I carried that shame for my actions for many years. Too many years….I am writing today not as a Twilight fan (which I am) but as a woman who made a great deal of mistakes. I want to share with you a great hope…a hope that is greater than the restoration of your reputation or the restoration of your relationship with Rob. I want you (and all young women to know) that there is beauty in being broken. There is beauty is finding that you have come to the end of yourself. There is beauty in finding that you couldn’t be seen as any worse of a person than you are in this very moment….because it is in THAT very moment that you find there is one who loves you so greatly that nothing you do or have ever done will separate His love for you…and that love comes from Jesus. 

You see, grief, for our actions,…pain…. or shame it isn’t suppose to hold us captive. It isn’t suppose to sit on our shoulders and remind us that we aren’t good enough. It’s meant to be a catalyst to bringing us closer to God. In the bible 2 Corinthians 7:10 says “Godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation, without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death.” Repentance isn’t just saying “I am sorry for the pain I have caused.” Repentance is an understanding that your actions have yielded you helpless….helpless to make things right on your own.  Repentance is to draw you to the realization that God loves you…He wants to take your heart and restore it. He wants you to know that Jesus Christ, a sinless man, died on a cross so he could bare not just your shame and sin but everyones so that you could know HIM. God LOVES YOU!! There is grace to be found that can transform life. Life can be full of love, hope, peace….even in the midst of the storm….even when everything is falling apart and you still are reaping the consequences of your actions God is there…and his grace is enough.

We are all a people in need of saving. In fact, we are all people in need. Fame, youth, beauty…..they all fade. We, the public, are entertained by actions that we are appalled by in reality. (Were we not entertained when Bella kissed Jacob?)  And yet, today we look at a beautiful young women who made an extremely bad choice and we act as if we have never committed a sin. As if we didn’t reenforce the idea that it’s ok to cheat every time we watch and swoon over movies in which we cheer for the affair to continue rather than the marriage simply because it’s romantic. Now the world is in an uproar….ironic isn’t it?

I do not hold you or other actresses up to being role models for my daughters. That is my job.. to find women that they can see, know and learn from in order to enrich their lives and inspire them.  Having all that you have at 22 must be a great burden. Fame and money seem like really fun things to have until you mess up…and then it probably seems like everything you ever thought was true about yourself and others sort of dissolves. It must be lonely. There is one who is willing to meet you…in the quiet moments when you hurt so badly that your breath doesn’t come…His name is Jesus, and all you have to do is call on His name and He will come….Romans 10:13 says, “For everyone who calls upon the name of the Lord will be saved.”

I am now 38 years old. Happily married for 13 years with 3 children and hopes to complete an adoption for a 4th child this month. I am not who I was when I was in my early 20s. Those mistakes…God used to shape and refine me. He took a broken girl full of shame and HE created in me a new heart…a new life….gave me new vision. No matter what the outcome of this indiscretion or this moment in time…it’s important for you to know that you will not always be the girl you are right now. You have a great opportunity to learn that being broken can make you better. You can seek after what is eternal..what is real. You can seek that which will never fade or turn….and you can be granted wisdom and grace and these things are the things worth building your life on. 

In closing, I want you to know that this is not the end of the world. I am so very sorry that your mistakes are being shown so publicly and in such a humiliating way. I am praying for you to find some peace during this difficult time of your life. I am not a tabloid reader and while I am a fan, I am not the type of woman who would go crazy at a premier. I am not writing to intrude…or to judge…I am writing out of a sincere desire to reveal to you a greater love and greater hope than you can imagine. It is a greater story of love and pursuit than can ever be scripted for any film. Because this story is true…it’s real and it available to you …all you have to do is ask.

May you find all the hope and peace there is to be found in Jesus

Rebecca Smith

 

 

 

 

 

 

How Do I Love Him (part 3)

He’s working late, again. His November project is wrapping up this week. Next week new interns come and need to be prepped. Then it’s a long week of prep for another trip and then he is gone for 10 days. He is already tired. He apologizes 10 times in 3 minutes for not being home …because he wants to be home. I tell him it’s ok. That I understand…and I really do. I tell him that I release him to do what needs to be done and I mean it….because I know he wants to be here. Because I know that being upset will only make his burden heavier. Because I know he misses me and the kids. So I release him….but I will wait for him to come home before going to bed…no matter how late. Because he needs a kiss and small arms to wrap around him to remind him that doing God’s work isn’t always easy but it is always blessed.

Since moving here I have had more time away from my husband than ever in the States. Ironically, because he loves what he is doing…it doesn’t feel like a burden to our home. He comes home tired but energized from work and always with stories that are inspiring. God has given me strength and grace that I never knew I had for the nights he isn’t home or the weeks he is traveling. I am grateful for those new areas of growth in my life. In the very beginning of our time here I found myself a little overwhelmed by all that was required of me. I have to be more independant, I have to always be on my guard, I have to figure out how to speak to people who have no idea what I am saying or need. It’s no picnic…even if the pics look cool. So when Trevis would be working late or traveling..I had a small bit of bitterness in my heart.

As I took this bitterness before the Lord I discovered that 1. Bitterness only divides 2.Biterness usually leads to assumptions that aren’t true. 3.Bitterness is an endless pit of self loathing. The key to getting out of bitterness is to repent (first) and then to take a good long look at the situation. I can make my husbands life very hard…..or I can bless him. Which do I chose? Because, honestly, it is a choice. It’s a decision to say, I will not hold love, affection or blessing from my husband when he is merely trying to serve the Lord, our family and those around the world who are depending on him to provide services that will aid in their plight to serve the poor. So here is the question…Am I a blessing or a burden?

Now we women have needs and they need to be met….but giving our husbands the freedom to not meet all our needs and still be the love of our lives is a choice. It’s not touchy feely…it’s not “the movies”…it’s the reality of being married. It’s the reality of understanding that our ALL our needs are not going to be met in our husbands, best friend, family etc…all our needs are met in God and God usually uses a collective community of people to meet our needs on various levels. I have met so many women who are discontent in their marriages because their husbands don’t understand certain aspects of their personality….well….my question to them is, “How hard do you try to understand all aspects of your husbands personality?” See the hypocracy? Trevis not understanding me in a few areas of life is only a problem if I forget the areas that he does understand. Maybe I should release Trevis to be all that God created him to be. Maybe by releasing him I have the precious opportunity to see God fill the holes in my heart with everlasting grace.

This week God sent a dear friend from college to visit me alllllll the way over here in Egypt. He knows that me being alone for a month is extremely difficult for me. God knew I would need sweet fellowship and laughter. He sent me Beth to watch movies and laugh with me while my husband was wrapped up in finalizing a project. Who could have known my husband would be so swamped THIS PARTICULAR week when this trip was planned 5 months ago? God….and He met my need. He did not leave me stranded, exhausted and alone. He sent a special blessing…one that spoke to my heart, healed my soul and brought me closer to home than I have been in months. What an intimate gift from God? He will do the same for you, too when you need Him.

My husband has called now and is on his way home. It’s 11:30pm and he wants to stay up and chat for awhile so I am going to wrap this up and put the kettle on for tea. This week..I encourage you to be a blessing. Think about releasing your expectations of having all your needs meant by your husband and ask God to fill the gaps. See what happens…..Being a blessing is not about “rising above your feelings”. It’s about being honest with God about your feelings and the areas in your life that need to be filled with more of who HE is.

I know know know this is not easy. Please do not mistake in thinking that I have no trouble releasing my husband…I do…because I love him fiercly and I need him desperately but I continually pray…for the grace to bless Trevis and my home.

Ok,He is home. Time to go…he has brought home his project for me to see. I have no idea what construction plans should look like….but you can bet …I’ll think his plans are amazing.

How do I love him? (part 2)

“I hope you didn’t get me anything for Christmas. Because I really didn’t get you anything.” I say. “No I really didnt’ get you anything either.” He says, and I am releived that he won’t be disappointed. You see this year we have decided to do something different. No one is getting gifts. Stockings for the kids only. We have a different vision this year and it’s been amazing. By far it’s been our most Christ centered Christmas and the children have never been more joyful.

My husband for years has had the idea of giving and not receiving at Christmas but I just couldn’t let go of my ideals of many presents under the tree. I guess, in truth, I suspected the children would somehow be scarred for life or feel neglected should they not have the glorious experience of ripping open packages on Christmas morning. But this year…we had a different idea. Moved by what we have seen on the streets we encouraged our children to think about what they could give Jesus for HIS birthday..and this sparked new joy and ideas in our home.

So the children came up with a plan to raise money and through one of Trev’s connection we found a situation that we could personal be a part of. After the fundraising was done and money collected we had a generous donor from the states offer to do a matching fund and the elation of my children went through the roof. All around there was joy and the focus of this Christmas was such a blessing that I dare say that it’s the best Christmas ever!

SO what does this have to do with loving my husband? Well….let see….he, for years, has wanted to do this and I didn’t listen. How many Christmas’s did I waste spending money on toys that were cast aside on hours later? How would the last few years have spiritually matured and grown my children’s hearts to love and serve the poor, had I just listened? How much joy did our family miss because I could not let go of my ideals of what “Christmas should be”? How much worship did I prohibit on Christmas morning because I was concerned with paper and strings? The questions go on and on…

See the problem? My husband is a strong “type A” personality. He is not shy or weak but he isn’t going to fight battles he can’t win with me. So, for the last few years he has yeilded his vision of how Christmas should look to mine. Were they bad Christmas’s? no. Were they filled with happiness? yes. But were they filled with worship, joy and excitement to celebrate the life of Christ? ….maybe a little. But not like this year. Because I did not let my husband’s vision lead our family, I kept my family from experiencing something amazing.

It was 4 years into marriage before Trevis and I began to look at our roles as husband and wife from a biblical perspective. It was a difficult journey and one we are continually on. But in the early stages of that discovery, I was convicted to tell Trevis that I would never say, “no” to him out of fear. I wanted him to have the freedom to lead us as God was leading him. By God’s grace, I have been able to keep that committment. However, letting go of my idea of the “American dream” with porch swings and hardwood floors has been another matter entirely. Many many tears have been shed as I held my hands open to God saying, “My life is yours,use it.”

Trevis takes his role as “head of the house” very seriously and prayerfully but many times….the things he feels led to do seem very hard to me. Often I struggle with fears or thoughts of self doubt. Sometimes selfishly I just don’t want too.I reget to say that usually my first reaction to him when he dreams or is processing what God wants him to do, is to say “no, I cant’ do that.” He has been prayerfully patient (most of the time) as I wrestle to bring my ideas or vision under the changing grace of God. This has never never been easy….but it has always and I mean ALWAYS been rewarding. Each time, God has given me the strength and grace to proceed. To take just the next step to see what HE is doing…to see the vision He has given my husband. Even when I don’t fully see the vision, God has given me “a peace that passes all understanding” to follow and encourage.

Lately, I see many ways that my husband seeks to lead us. I’m trying pay attention to my intial reaction to his thoughts and dreams about the future. I’m trying to prayerfully consider my words before I speak because I realize that while he is strong and lives convicted to live according to God’s call. He is easily discouraged or hurt when I don’t even have the courtesy to listen with interest or when I simply “throw water on his fire”. He needs to have the freedom to dream and explore options and ideas. I WANT to be the person he does that with. Yes, he has a best friend. Yes, he has men in his life he trusts but I WANT to know what scares him, what gives him energy. what causes him to weep and smile. The only way to do that is to give him the freedom to lead.

Allowing our husbands to lead…even when it’s hard is a blessing in many many ways. 1. We experince the blessing of alignment…no that’s not a biblical term…it’s just one I use to explain that God created man to be the head of the home and the wife to be the helpmate. In that “alignment” is protection and blessing. 2. We get to experience having the confidence of our husband thus making marriage more secure and intimate. 3. Because submission and “helpmating” isn’t easy, we get the opportunity to go before God asking to be changed and matured in both faith and grace. Honestly, the list is endless..

Today, as you seek to love and serve your family for the glory of God, I encourage you to give your husband the freedom to lead. Of course, this doesn’t mean you say yes to everything..but ask yourself when he has ideas or dreams for your family that you aren’t excited about, “What are my reasons for objection? Are they fear or insecrutiy based? Are my objections coming from ideals and values that aren’t biblical?” Then take your thoughts before God. I urge you to first prayerfully consider what He may be doing in the life of your husband.

Because when we see what God is doing…suddenly…suddenly we become excited, empowered and inspired ourselves.
Merry Christmas sweet friends!!

Elf is right!

She is 8 and often appears to live in her own little world..and she sings and twirls everywhere she goes. SOooo often this is a mixed blessing of both joy and frustration. But today…today it is an inspiration.

You see, we are in a mall filled to the brimm with people. There are a few Christmas trees in stores that are headquartered in the western world but for the most part…there is no indication that the Christmas season is upon us. We are walking and shopping..she is singing…but today she is singing the song that has caputred my heart and continually brings tears to my eyes. But I don’t care because we are in the mall and it’s not “appropriate for her to sing so loud” even if her small voice isn’t heard because of all the people. Still I say for the 10th time in 10 minutes, “Shhhh, not so loud.” Then again, “Shhh pleeeeaasseee”…..and then I sigh…you know the big mom sigh that makes me sound bitter and “over it”? Yes…that one. And I take her hand and briskly walk to catch up with the rest of the family.

But as I am walking something glorious happens..it’s as if Jesus has put his hand on my shoulders and pulled me close to Him. I hear the spirit whisper, “Listen to her. She is proclaiming in all her innocents..with all joy, the truth that will save the world. Look at where you are… listen to her words. SEE what she is doing”. And I stop mid stride….I turn to her with wide eyes. I almost want to ask her if she heard a voice…but instead I just …I just look…I look…

I see a people who live in a country where they seek to honor God with all their hearts and seem to fail every day. I see a people filled with sorrow because of strife in the streets and uncertainty in their daily lives….and she…she…is telling them truth…”Hark the hearld Angles sing. Glory to the newborn KING…Peace on earth and mercy mild…GOD AND SINNER RECONCILED!!” And I look at her….with new eyes…and renewed Spirit, I began to sing too. She looks at me with clever bright huge brown eyes and without hesitation she starts the chorus and we are singing…she is spinning and we are happy. People are looking at us and smiling. I am certain they are thinking, “Look at the crazy foreigners.” But we don’t care. We smile. We wave. WE laugh. We are now in our own little universe and where joy and peace abound and everyone can see.

As we sing, I find myself wanting to sing louder and louder…maybe stand in a chair or table because this song…these words….they have life…they hold the answer to every problem, to every hurt, to every need….and it should be sung loudly!! Perhaps, Elf is right, “The best way to spread Christmas cheer is to sing out loud for all to hear!” because I am no longer frustrated and hurried. I am no longer concerned with having her “act right”. All that matters is that truth is flowing from our lips and we have the joy of Christ in our hearts.

Then the tears are flowing again…because all around us are people who don’t know…who don’t hear. Heck, just moments before I was one of them but for the grace of Christ pulling me close to Him I would have missed this sweet life changing moment. I would have missed truth being sung with no fear in a mall located in the Middle East. I would have missed the joy of my daughter reveling in her knowledge of Christ’s birth. I would have missed this moment which, to me, now, exemplifies the Christmas Spirit.

I don’t want this to turn into a “don’t forget the real meaning of Christmas” blog post. There are plenty of those to inspire and encourage us…but rather I want you to WAKE UP!! WAKE UP!! LISTEN TO THE WORDS OF THE SONGS WE HAVE SUNG ALL OUR LIVES!! PONDER….WONDER…..THE TRUTH…THE LIFE….that we sing about all the time with no weight to the words. Even the most hard core atheist knows the words to Joy to the World. Simply singing these seemingly ancient words…isn’t celebrating Christmas.No matter how you dress it up with bows and ribbions. If you aren’t brought to tears by the words of many of these proclaimations of truth (so commonly referred to carols) then I challenge you to quit singing…listen…think….

WORSHIPPING…UNDERSTANDING….being AWED….this …this is celebrating Christmas.

How do I love him? part 1

We are in the kitchen and I am complaining…about nothing and everything. He is leaning against the counter..legs crossed, arms folded, clenching his teeth while trying to make his face neutral. When my rant is over, he asks, with a very controlled voice, “What do you want me to do, Bec?” And…and ….and I don’t know. Because I didn’t have a purpose in mind when I started complaining I was just venting…but my venting, made those strong shoulders slump in defeat after a full 10 hour day of work and made his kind blue eyes fill with irritation..all because I didn’t take a minute to quietly pray and think. Unfortuately, this is not an isolated incident but as I was thinking about this particular moment today God spoke truth into my selfish heart.

Because usually at this point in the “non-argument but me venting moment” is where I (and many women) go all wrong. I usually get even more mad, “I don’t want you to do anything. I want you to care and just listen to me.” And I am not saying that we are completely wrong but at this moment heaven opened and The Spirit sweetly whispered…”men aren’t women”. So, I set out to discover what that had to do with anything. And as I searched the scriptures I discovered that men, in fact, are called to be doers. In Genesis 3:19 God says to Adam, “By the sweat of your face you shall eat bread…” After, the fall things no longer came easily. Work became how men would provide for the livelihoods of their families. Before, the fall, there was just communing with God and work was a joyful fellowship while tending to the things of the earth. But now, in a broken and fallen world…all man can do is work by the sweat of his face. So when I ask my husband to “just listen” I am asking him to go against what is required of him (by God) in order to provide. The reason he wants to “fix it” is because he loves and cares and wants our home to be good…and yet, in my selfishness, even his wanting to love and provide for me can be used to hurt him. And THIS is where I need to be careful.

Words. Words flow from the mouth like water….and, for me, often I don’t put them in check. To friends and co-workers I may filter but often to my husband and children, I simply say whatever comes into my head. (There is lots to be said about parenting ..but we are sticking with marriage here) You see, my husband is wise and planned and so capable of being the head of this home that I often forget how deeply a careless word can hurt him. I have repented of this before God and Trevis, because, by Gods grace, I want to be a helpmate not a HURTmate. I am trying to be more intentional in speaking words that build him up, make him see himself as God sees him. Even when those words of affection aren’t returned …because it’s not about getting something FROM him. It’s about GIVING something TO him. And not giving so that my husband is pleased with me or more in love with me but giving because …God is pleased and I will have to account for my words…both encouraging and discouraging. I have to tell you that my world has been rocked by Matthew 12:36 “But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken.” I don’t know about yall but this is a convicting. Oh how I have prayed the words of David,”Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer.” Ps. 19:14 I speak so many carelss words….

I am not trying to give the impression that I am a perfect wife. God knows, I am not…and many of you do too. LOL!! But I am trying now to be a wife who SEES what my husband does for us. Who SEES how he wants to care for us…even if he gets it wrong sometimes. Because ultimately, I want, at the end of my life, to look back and not grieve the marriage that my kids saw when they lived at home. I want my daughters and son to look back on the short time we had under one roof and see that faults and failures were and should be covered by forgiveness,grace and joy.

So today I ask myself, does my husband find confidence in me? Does he seek me out as a refuge because I am a place of safety and comfort? Does he know, that I desire to be that for him? Because remember, my venting in the kitchen? The key phrase was, “I didn’t have a purpose, I was just…..” I need purpose. We as wives need and have purpose. And it’s bigger than cooking meals, folding laundry, ironing, keeping a clean house..It’s bigger than even serving at church or your community. Because if all those things are done and everyone is impressed with your service but your husband is hurt, defeated, never knowing what he is going to come home too then you have missed the most important calling as a wife.

I encourage you to seek out your husband today.Thank him for the little things he does that you take for granted. If you have been critical, say your sorry. And don’t do this expecting Prince Charming to appear. Do it because it pleases God and brings Him glory when the heart of His children seek to be about HIS business.“And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father, through him.” Colossian 3:17

How do I love this man?

I am looking in the mirror. He walks in and stands directly behind me. Back tall. chest broad. His shoulders extending from behind me. My shoulders are almost as wide as his chest. His chin easily clearing the crown of my head. His hands rest on and engulf my shoulders. He smirks, “Your so small.”
“You like me small.” I tease.
“Yes. I. do. I could crush you.” As he slips his hands around me and pulls me close. And he has no idea how true those words are.
“But you won’t.” I say.
“Nope.” He confirms.
We catch each others eyes in the mirror……because this is not the first time we have played this game…and,by Gods grace, it will not be the last. We smile for just a second. Just a second…,before kids call and life happens and we go about our daily lives. But it’s in those seconds that I fall in love with him….again and again. But life is now happening and I pray that I am the helpmate he needs…that at the end of the day I have blessed him with so much more of me than that which is tangible.

Being a husband is a heavy burden to carry. So much falls on the shoulders of a man. For he will give an account to the Almighty Creator for how he led his family. Did he love his wife likes Christ loved the church, washing her in the Word so that she is white and blameless? Encouraging her to go beyond herself and become what God created her to be? Did he raise his children on the bread of life for the glory of God? Did he walk in such a way that his life left an impression of love and Jesus on the lives of those around him? Did he seek first the kingdom of God when the world told him to “stay safe” and not step out in faith? So many burdens.

Yes, we women have our callings too. We are all familiar with them….but for me….I am so very glad that God has called me to be a helpmate and not the head. Of course, I am equally important. Equally accountable. But so often I can get so caught up in “me” and my responsibilities that I forget the burden he carries….providing, loving, caring, managing projects in foreign countries, coordinating volunteers, support raising, networking in a country that is not his own, struggling to find personal time to hear from God, balancing time so he really KNOWS his 3 children individually, having fun with friends…..caring for a wife that needs him desperately. His world never stops…and yet he is faithful in a world that throws beauty at him left and right, he holds me tightly each night and brings treats home for us. He laughs at my silliness and prays every night with our children.

I am pondering today ….What kind of wife am I? Do I ease my husbands burdens? Do I let him dream with out judgment? Do I thank him for asking me to marry him when he knew the great responsibility he was taking on? Do I help him take the risks God is calling him to take? Am I joyful? Do I make our home a resting place?

There are many things in this world that demand my attention. Children, work, the endless chores that must be done, ministry, mentoring….and so many times I am asking him continually for more. More affection, more time, more understanding that dinner isn’t done or I need to scoot out for the night to meet with a friend. More more more….how much do I ask of myself to do for him? Am I as good of a wife asI want him to be a husband?

I know that many of you may be a bit more “feminist” minded than me. That’s ok. I used to be as well. But the older I get and the longer I am married I am discovering a few things that I never expected. The next few post will be on these discoveries and I hope you will be encouraged and join me in discussing how we (I) can answer the high calling of being a wife…by understanding the high calling of being a husband.

Blessings dear ones…