The call of Love
28 Feb 2011 2 Comments
As you can imagine the road to Egypt for us was quite long. Between support raising (which we are still doing BTW), waiting for the company to find a suitable location, sorting out or lives in the States and the logistics of moving here it took about 5 years total. During that time Trevis and I did a lot of talking and growing. Some was painful at the time but in end, as all refinement is, it was sweet.
Perhaps one of the biggest issues we dealt with was my “call” to come here. You see, I never really felt “called” to Egypt. My husband was. I had a great peace and excitement about coming but I did not feel an overwhleming desire to leave the States. My stance was I am wife and mom and I will be this no matter where we are living. If God leads my husband He is leading all us. I was very content in this mind set. I remember saying, “Look, if something happens to you. I will not be one of those women who stays in the country and serves for years. I will be coming home.” Trevis was a little disappointed (at the time). He really wanted me to feel the same pull to the M.E., the burning of love for a people in need. In truth, I feel that pull and love for Trevis and therefore, where ever he is…I want to be. And of course, after much talking and counsel Trevis began to see and understand that just because I did not have the same “pull” it didn’t mean I wasn’t as committed or excited about the idea of our move.
I write this today because I think I have fallen in love with the Egyptian people. I am always so overwhelmed at how God can continually open my heart up to new people without lessening the love I have for the dear ones already in my life. I never would have guessed that I would stand in a room of “M” women and feel so much acceptance and love….not just for them but from them. I never dreamed that the arabic language would move me to tears when singing hymns of praise. I never imagined that I could want to stay in country that is so challenging to live in. But today as I walk in the streets and go about my day, I am finding that I am home here. My children are home here. And while everyday certainly has it’s challenges I love it here.
It truly is a mystery how God moves the heart. How he brings in love to replace fear and uncertainty. It nothing short of miraculous…When we say, God IS love.” I don’t think I have ever stop to really thing about the “IS”. “IS” is a defining term. It’s not a word that describes an attribute or part of something…..the word simply is telling what something “IS”. Very much like, “I AM”, right?
I now have a small glimpse of how women stay and serve in foreign places after something happens to thier husbands. It’s not because they are strong and amazing women….it’s because they LOVE. I now look out and see such a need for “truth” here. I see such a need for freedom from fear, and such a need for hope and assurance that I can bearly think of leaving just because I want an easier life. “The Truth” that we know is the only thing worth living for. Sure we can bring food, send money, build wells…but all of those things with out a message of hope is ….simply prolonging the inevitable eternal despair of those who have not heard.
So what? What do we do?! …We LOVE. How do we love people? Truth is….you can’t (by yourself). I can’t anyway. I am so quick to be selfish it’s mind blowing. I am easily frustrated and quick to snap at my children, I get irrated when Trev doesn’t meet an expectation I have. The very idea of me loving as God loves is easily laughable. BUT……you know what, this is the miracle of love. This is the miracle of “Because He first loved me”. Because in my moments of complete and total failure there is a savior loving me and forgiving me. A savior who with all grace and patience beckons me to change through the spirit. Who gently shows me faults and puts in me a desire to be better. A savior who even surrounds me with people who will encourage me and love me when I am not lovable. AND THIS….THIS is how we LOVE.
We LOVE not because it’s easy. Not because we will get anything wonderful in return. Not because someone is going to recognize our sacrifce. But we love BECAUSE…BECAUSE…BECAUSE…we have been so greatly loved by a God who “IS” entirely perfect, entirely just, entirely good. We love because if we look long enough in the mirror….and we are honest, we see that even in our best moments…we are lacking. But God is not lacking and in Him all our weakness become beautiful because our weakness “IS” where He steps in and forgives, heals, restores and empowers us.
I know I will walk out my door today and be confronted with something very small and insignificant that will make this blog post a bit of a joke. And when I read it tomorrow, I may feel like the worlds biggest hypocrite but these are the thoughts running through my head these days and I wanted to share and hopefully encourage you just bit.
Let us all seek to love as we have been loved~~until next time
Ma salama
Ohhhhh and life goes on…….
06 Feb 2011 4 Comments
Well…the Revolution is still taking place though aside from the fact that my kids are not in school and McDonalds is still not delievering you wouldn’t know it. It seems that people have decided that regardless of what is going on in the Tehir Square…life must go on. And so it has.
People were in the streets today chatting and talking. I walked to the school with the kiddos and my friend Leila to get all the assignments for the next week. I swear I may have lived through the Revolution but I may not live through having the kids home another week. LOL….The reason school is not back on is because many teachers left to the safe harbor countries and will be returning soon. I have to say that I am so so very glad that we did not leave. It’s such a hassle trying to get back into the country, right now and I have to say that I am really not up for unnecessary hassle. On a side note: (and I am very very serious) if anyone is interested in a teaching job next year at a wonderful little Christian school in Egypt, let me know. Recruiting for next year teachers have begun.
The real bummer is my mom has had to delay her trip until later in the spring and that just SUCKS. I mean, I was really looking forward to seeing her and the kids have been counting the days until she arrives. It was not good news.
So what am I learning lately? Well…I need to just say that I am learning that I often treat God like an ATM. When I am in need and feeling on the brink…I draw close to Him and I pull from Him strength and promises and I walk away from my times rich in His peace and purpose. But those times that I don’t feel such desperation…I halfway read the words in the Bible..sometimes meditating on them and sometimes scanning over them as if they are words that are not inspired from the very breath of the spirit of God. I am so ashamed at how I take the very gift of salvation for granted. I am even more ashamed to say that I don’t know how not to take it for granted.
My prayers during the first days of the Revolution were rather simple but soo soo vulnerable. “Lord, please keep us in your hands. Please let us complete the work that you have for us to complete on this earth. Please don’t let me fall into fear.” My mantra was..”You are here! You are not distant! You are here! You will not leave me!”. I must have said that mantra at least 20 times an hour. But lately in the last few days I have forgotten to bless my meal. I have not thought twice about closing my eyes to sleep. And I have to say that while never would I ask to be in the middle of a Revolution…..I miss that kind of desperate need for Him!
Why has my desperation for His presence faltered? Am I not always in depesprate need for Him. Whether I feel it or not? Whether I realize it or not? The truth is that regardless of my situation…My need for God doesn’t change. Why?? Because without HIM, I have no hope for a life in heaven, a heart of peace or a life filled with joy and eternal purpose. Why do I so quickly fall back into taking the reins of my life when I am not in fear or crisis? ………..I have no answers to these questions. I am just “writing out loud”. The simple answer is—-because I am fallen. And the easy solution?…Repent and turn back once again to Jesus with a heart that is willing to be changed. But I confess dear friends that I so often fight the simple answer. Because the truth is ..that in my head I can’t imagine that it can be that simple. But it is…and He is so very faithful to forgive and restore. I know this because even in the times that I have been most faithless, the Lord has proven to love me so much more than I love Him. And for this fact alone….I am once again humbled at the great price paid for me by Jesus.
So here we are at the end of the scary part of the Revolution. There is still much to pray for. Who will be in power next? How will the new government effect the many delicate issues of the Middle East? The list could go on. There is so much to pray for. Many of you are gearing up for the Super Bowl (or not since the SAINTS aren’t in it). News stories are dying down. It feels like the desperate times are over….but I want to encourage you to not be fooled into thinking that desperation is only when the world is at war or things are on fire. Because the truth is that great desperation will continue until the coming of Christ because the real desperation is the quiet need for a Savior in a world that is dying with no hope.
goodnight dear ones!
** Disclaimer-many of you are new readers and are only reading for info on the revolution. And I would like to welcome you and thank you for your interest in our lives during the last few days. The veiws that I express here regarding my faith I not only believe to be true but I would die before I recant them. Having said that, if you are offended or have issues with these veiws in anyway, I am happy to discuss those in an private email format but I will not engage in a debate on this blog or facebook. Nor will the post be approved. Your thoughts are extremely valuable and I would be honored to have an opportunity to share more of what i believe with you….but this blog is not the appropriate place for that kind of discussion. It is written by a simple housewife for mere purpose of informing those that are interested what is going on in our lives.
Day 11: “Departure Day”
04 Feb 2011 6 Comments
Named by the media as “Departure Day” today is suppose to be the biggest day of the Revolution. Today is the day that the protester are saying that Mubarak has “to step down”. I am not sure what will happen if he doesn’t but….it’s still only 5:30pm. We had no idea what to expect this morning when we woke up and still don’t know what may transpires tonight after curfew. We were told to stay in our homes and not go out. Our church service was cancelled and I wanted to just go for a short walk around the neighborhood to take a few pictures of the things being used to guard our streets and my husband said, “No”. (And if you have met Trevis, his “NO” is final). Leilas husband is the same as Trevis and we have been laughing at how we feel like we are in middle schooling asking for permission to visit each other. But Waheed and Trev mean well sooo….what do you do? LOL !! Instead of a fun adventurous day in Cairo we settled in and spent the day inside studying Arabic, playing WII and tonight we will continue our Harry Potter Marathon and watch the 4th movie of Harry Potter.
Thus far it is super quiet here. I mean not a sound and that is pretty crazy for the streets of Cairo…so I don’t know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. We are seeing the same images that you are seeing of Tehir Square on TV. My biggest prayer at this point is that the protest remain peaceful as they have all day. I don’t fear for our safety but the truth is….I don’t know how people will survive if they aren’t working and banks aren’t opening for another week. I am afraid that this is what will cause more problems on the streets than anything else.
For me…I am anxious to get back to work. I miss my girls from the studio. I miss teaching….and I haven’t had an endorphine rush from cardio in 10 days. For a fitness freak, this is cause for panic. I am most definetly going to make Trev do a bit of Strength&Motion tonight. Oh…he’ll love it I am sure! LOL
There isn’t much to report as you can see. I am grateful for the peace we have around us but I will be glad to hear the men on the street calling out that they are selling bread or fruit. I will be relieved to hear cars honking and the beautiful loud arabic voices drifting through my window. I will be happy when Cairo is alive again though I have a feeling that the tension and fear in the air will linger for awhile. It’s not like America here. In America we watched Katrina wipe out entire sections of New Orleans and then there would be a commercial break about a sale going on at Khole or Target. Here there is no escaping the reality of what is around you. It’s written on every face and concern for the outcome of the country is laced in every conversation.
On a lighter note Trevis is really having and interesting experience on the streets in the evening with the men in our community. He is learning Arabic so every night he leaves to go out is a HUGE effort for him. He has to gear up mentally for guarding and spending the evening trying to understand a language that he knows very little. But last night there was a break through! Most of the men speak some English …if not speak it fluently so he is always in the loop because someone will interpret or he gets it..but last night about 25-30 men were out talking about everything from politics, family and religion and they decided to get together once a week and do things to improve the community. When the sign up sheet went around Trev took the sheet and IN ARABIC wrote his contact information. The men all laughed and slapped him on the back in congratulations. It’s been really amazing the relationships that have been made with this guarding. Across religious, economic and educational boundries. Soooo….perhaps this revolution will accomplish much much more than just a new government! Please pray for him. Not just for safety but for wisdom and discernment.
ok-that’s it for today. Sorry it’s not glamorous….but on the other hand I am so very thankful it’s not glamorous. I hope to get out tomorrow and get a few pics to put up on FB. Inshallah, I’ll let you know tomorrow if things get crazy tonight. Again…please don’t stop praying I am conviced that it is because of you prayers things have not gotten out of hand. Pray for all Egyptians. May we all sleep well and safely this evening in the precious hands of Jesus.
Good night loved ones!
Treading the waves of the revolution
03 Feb 2011 8 Comments
This morning we woke up to a call from Jan (my mother-in-law) she had seen on the news that all US citizens were being urged to leave by the US State Dept due to the escalating violence here. First let me say that we have not be “urged to leave”. What we have been told is that if we WANT to leave we can leave in designated planes. These plans would take us to a country of “safe harbor” and then we would be on our own to get to the US and we’d have to reinburse the US for the tickets out. So to clarify it’s not as simple as just getting on a plane and coming home…the planes being sent to bring people “home” are for government personel only. The interesting thing is that we can always leave on commercial flights which would probably be cheaper under the circumstances.
Today things are really quiet in my neighborhood. Less people are out and about but as you see the violence on TV please know that it is not in the neighborhoods and the majority of the country is NOT erupting in the ways you are seeing in Tehir Square. Also, should you be hearing that thier is some Anti-American sentement going on here..I’m sure that is true in some groups but over all…there is nothing but support for us. The people here really understand the difference between a government and it’s citizen. So nothing our government says is a direct reflection on us. However, we may get the opportunity to speak to them about an American perspective but we are not faced with anger based on decisions from the US government.
The Neighborhood Patrol are still guarding the streets. It’s quite amazing to see the communtiy and organization on the streets. I feel safer here than you can imagine. They have caught spies checking out our area for potential looting. They have arrested several and I can say with absolute certainty that no one….is walking on our streets or in our neighborhood that shouldn’t be here. They even have arm bands identifying the posts. I think my neighbor should be the next president!! LOL… He can organize and mobilize like a war hero. He is a gift to us.
Several of my friends that are from neighboring countries have left for awhile. WE have tossed around the idea of the kids and I leaving for Spain for a week or so should things not get better but I seriously doubt that will happen. I’m not big on beign away from my husband and especially now! My main concern is that my mom was coming in mid-Feb. She was going to take a cruise with her friend and then she was going to spend 3 weeks with us. There just aren’t words to express my sorrow should her trip be cancelled. We were all counting the days to see my mom and get a few neccessities from home. But this is all in the Lords hands and we will leave it there. Inshallah, she will be able to come even if her cruise is not happening.
WE have been inside today watching the news and making up school work. My housekeeper came to day so we have delicious food and a clean house. Camellia is delightful and said that she needs to feel normal for just for a few hours but she is taking more care on the streets. You can pray for her as her area is less fotunate and they are seeing more looters but not too much. Pray for us to be a light of hope to her in this dark time. Martial law is still in affect. So the curfew is 5pm and we are grateful for longer hours of being out.
The evenings after curfew are spent much like your evenings. We eat dinner. Take showers. Watch movies. Read with the children. We take care to not have the news on too much during the day as this isn’t good for the children (or us). I forgot to mention how the kids are doing. They are doing really well and enjoying a surprise holiday. There have been moments of fear but the Lord has been faithful to give us words to comfort them and those times have passed quickly. We do not shelter them from the happenings in Tehir Square…they are aware but like most children they laugh and play as normal. They now can understand that there is a God that moves the hearts of people, that lifts up and tears down nations. My prayer is that God will use this time in their lives to reveal to them the power He has and that they will become fearless in their pursuit of His glory.
Lastly, I really appreciate all your encouraging words. Many of you have spoken of my faith and strength. I need to make a confession here. Most days the idea of coming home because of this revolution is a wonderful thought. I miss my family especially my sisters in law. I miss my friends. I miss my life that wasn’t hard and was familiar. I miss my church singing in Christ Alone and How Great is My God. I miss so much that I can barely think straight. Especially now. And there are days that I think I want to return. It’s hard here. It was hard before the Revolution and I can not tell you how much more hard it will be after.
BUT…BUT….BUT…..on the otherside ……I love it here. To flee when things are bad, leaving the sweet women that I have come to know and love…it feels so AWFUL!! How can I say I have peace and leave them when they have nothing…..I mean NOTHING to hold to. I am not honorable..I am not selfless when I say this…I am just honest in saying that until you have met and loved these people it’s hard to just walk away because of your comfort and safety. AND THEN WHAT….do we come back and say, “Oh yes! We have peace. We love you. God is our comforter and shelter.” How can we offer hope? HOW?!! How do we walk away during such dark times?! I don’t know ….I feel like I have dual personalities ALL THE TIME!!
Anyway, my reason for posting this is give you a glimpse of our day despite the news reports that we are all in the middle of a civil war. Please pray…I am convinced that we are safe because of your prayers. Also, regarding emails….we can only open them on a secure server so getting back to you may be a bit difficult. But should you have non-threating questions you are welcome to ask them here or on FB. I think I’ll post everyday for awhile. Even if it is short…just so you can hear a little reality from Egypt.
Again…so much love to you all. See you tomorrow Inshallah.
Us and the Revolution~
02 Feb 2011 14 Comments
Most of you reading this are dear friends and loved ones. Before I began to tell you of our days here I need to express my overwhelming thanks and love to all of you. Your prayers, emails, FB post, FB messages are so numerous that I can not even begin to respond. Today as I began to just scan them I got so emotional that I could barely see the screen. I never in my life thought so many would even care. There were even a few days where I wondered if anyone in the US even knew to pray because we had no way of knowing the world was watching. So to see your concerns and read that so many were praying …..*cue the tears*** it’s simplying a gift …a gift that I will forever treasure. Thank you and may the peace and rest of our Lord Jesus, who promted you to pray and who has held my family in the very palm of His hand bless you with all the joy there is to be found in His glorious salvation!!
Ok-…Let’s start out with a few media issues. 1. We have never been asked to leave by our government. Only students and tourist. WE spoke with our US embassy and we were advised to stay here until further notice. There are over 50K US expats in Egypt and should we start leaving this will be very very bad for many many reasons. Currently we are staying and fear not…the minute we are ordered to leave we will be on a plane home. 2. We as Americans are not in danger, in fact, I have so many Egyptians apologizing to me on the street that I can not go a block without having to say how much I love the Egyptian people but they are so kind and lovely and go out of their way to support us. 3. The protesters are peaceful. Looters are begin caught ….Today however it appears that violence is beginning between groups and this is perhaps what we were most afraid of. Please pray as we hope the violence does not escalate and fall into the surrounding neighborhoods…this would be a reason for evacuation.
A few days ago many of you began to see thousands descend upon Tehrir Square in protest to the Mubarak regime. This square is about 20 mins from our home and we go there ever Friday morning for church. So it is very familiar to us. The protests were, for the most part, peaceful. But the politcial situation here is not really as easy as wanting “human rights” there is ALOT MORE to the policitics here. I can not express my views on these issues here and I implore you to refrain from doing so for the safety of my family. I will tell you that both Muslim and Christians in Egypt are scared of a “certain fundemental political group” being given the power to run for office. Egyptian politics are not cut and dry and most of what you see and hear from the news is just the tip of the iceberg….if it’s even true!
So how has this affected us? Well…Let’s just say that first time we were told we were under martial law, I thought I was going to faint (but I didn’t). Rather God gave me the grace to rush to the store and buy bread, cheese, and other essentials for a few days. It was pretty crazy the small super markets were PACKED you could barely move. Food was disappearing quickly. I had to go to 3 stores to find butter, 2 stores to find a phone card but everyday we have been able to get out and get small foods like fruit and veggies. Today though…we went to a large supermarket and it was well stocked and there was no shortage of food insight.
Daily living: On Tues(1/26) our company had 2 interns arrive in Egypt. We have one staying with us. She has been great but it’s been quite the cultral experience for her. We have been told to stay close to home so we have not been out around town. But I am soo sooo lucky that one of my dearest friends Leila lives right down the street. So we have been getting together every day for several hours letting the children play in our garden or just hanging out at her house. Leila has lived here her whole life she is married to an Egyptian and has been a priceless gift of joy to me in the last few days. I feel that God has totally given me constant reassurance that we are where He wants us to be. We were finally able to get in touch with our parents just a few days ago and that has made all the difference. It was nice to hear thier voices as one of my concerns had been that I knew they were worried. Trevis has been home and trying to study his arabic as much as possible, trying to rest from nights out on the streets and running daily errands that I can’t do alone. While he is out on patrol.. Robyn (our intern) and I spend that time putting together new cardio, FAST and Strength and Motion routines for my classes and trying to be productive with my arabic studies! I guess the worst few days were when cell phones and internet were cut. Fortunately, cell phones were restored soon but not having internet cut off our contact with our families/friends. There is plenty of news here in English but not having the internet was really limiting.
The dangers: I have truely never been scared for my life but the last 8 days I have really had to question everything I have ever put my hope in. If you know me AT ALL you know that my husband is the one thing in life I struggle to release to God. He is in so many ways a refuge for me and I have said many times that I am never scared if I am with my husband….because as kind as he is….he is feircely protective. Normally, I LOVE THIS.. but on the night that he put on a jacket, grabbed a 4 foot long pole, every knife in the house and went outside to stand with the men in our building and in our neighborhood to protect us from looters…it hit me just how real this was. I did my best to put on a calm face, I told my children that God will protect us and He would be with daddy and I had all the powerful faith …of a mustard seed. I don’t think I have ever held him as tightly as I did that night. I remember begging God to have the mercy to take us all should He take the life of my husband. Even in the midst of a revolution my sin is ever present. Continue to pray as he will continue to stand guard with both Christian and Muslims in an effort to keep all our our community safe. Pray for words of peace and opportunity as he shares with the them the HOPE we have.
The people: The Egyptian people are lovely and the fact that we have not left is speaking volumes to them. They simply can’t believe that we didn’t flee at the first sigh of trouble. We are becoming more and more accepted by our neighbors as Trevis stands guard at night and I am out buying food along side other women. It’s really remarkable~ the doors that have been open for us. The first night of martial law was perhaps the worst. Men of all ages took to the streets with homemade weapons and began to set up posts on each block. But at first glance….we did not know these were good guys. So Trevis begins locking doors and getting ready for war…when our neighbor comes over and tells us that these guys are taking the first night of “Neighborhood Patrol”. Our neighbor then invites us upstairs to his sisters flat where we spend the next few hours sitting, talking, and and just being…..together. It was beautiful. By the end of the evening we had prayed together. Been able to read a few Psalms together and left feeling like family. It was incredible…that in the midst of such fear they remembered and cared for us as if we were family.
Spiritually: Let me tell you that I have never in life wanted to see the return of my Lord like I have the last few days. It’s astounding how my heart longs to see this. But mostly I have been able to see that peace is not normal. Peace is not something that naturally comes in the midst of war or a revolution. SO the fact that I have had only mild anxiety but no thoughts of bolting back to the States is a testament to the peace of Christ. So many people are afraid here. They are pale and not sleeping. Terrified at what a different government could look like….because believe it or not if a hugely fundamental goverment preceeds the current one…it will devastate this mostly free country.
I never understood the word “peace” like I do know. It’s so much bigger than a cool sign on a T-shirt. It’s so much more than a political statement. It’s so much more telling than a word that describes something. In fact…I don’t know that I will ever hear the word “peace” again and not hold it somewhat reverently. Let me tell you what peace is……….Peace is knowing that all the bible stories your parents read to you are TRUE. Peace is knowing that all the songs you have sung in church are TRUE. Peace is knowing that every single word in the Bible is TRUE. Peace is knowing that everything that you have steaked your identity on is TRUE. Peace is knowing that should you be killed everything you have taught your children is TRUE. Peace is knowing that the God your husband serves and seeks to shepard you toward is TRUE. Peace is knowing that the God you love is TRUE. Peace is knowing that the world will one day crumble and that when the Bible says that God will make all things new. He will..it’s TRUE. Peace is resting your head on pillow at night wondering if you will have intruders at any moment and knowing when God says, “I am your stronghold” that it is TRUE. Peace is knowing that when you can’t make sense of what is going on around you, it does not matter because the creator of heaven and earth IS TRUE. Peace is knowing that all you have ever hoped in and ever longed for for is TRUE. It’s is TRUE. I have no doubt. I have no hesitation. It’s true because to this day there is an empty grave and MY Lord ascended into heaven and sat down at the right hand of God and His spirit descended from heaven and because of THAT Spirit I will tell you that “the peace that passes all understanding” is TRUE! It’s true because though I can not see it…I feel it moving and breathing in this very house, every day, every hour and every minute of this revolution.
What now: Today there has been a turn of events and some violence has erupted. I am not sure what this means. But what they are saying on the news is not entirely true (that’s all I can say). I will probably be posting quite abit over the next few days. Should we have to leave we will head back to PDX and then on to Prineville. (which means Mike/Cari and Kim/Chad you should answer your phones from strange numbers as we will descend upon your homes) But we don’t have plans to leave unless the embassy advises it. Please feel free to ask me questions about what you are seeing on the news. I can not express my political opinions but I will do my best give you insight should you desire it. WE are still under martial law and curfew was extended today to 5pm. Maybe it will get longer each day. This is our hope. Not sure when school and work will return but again….inshallah soon.
Whew-I am not going to proof this post as I want to get it out ASAP so please extend grace to my misspelled words and bad grammer. Again….so much love to all of you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for your prayers. Keep them up…this is going to be a long road. XOXO
(**And I need to just take a minute and say…that for those of you who have thought that faith was a devised plan by man to “cope” with unfortunate events….let me tell you that one does not “cope” with a silly unfounded idea when you are faced with telling your children that they have to sleep in their clothes because we may have to flee in the middle of the night. If your reading this you know my faith and there is no doubt that I would not have been able to survive the last days if there were any holes in it. 
My Oscar Moment
23 Dec 2010 2 Comments
I’d like to take a minute to thank the academy…..We aren’t able to send out Christmas cards this year…so I am going to take a minute and send out a little holiday cheer. And that little bit of cheer comes in the form of just having to say this: I have the best freaking family and friends on the planet!
It’s been a rough few weeks with illness here…and if you know me at all you know that I am NOT an overly emotional person. Tears don’t fall easily from my eyes…but this week…this week…I think I have cried everyday from homesickness and then towards the end of the week I have cried over the intense love and support we are shown. Just to give you a glimpse of what kind of friends I have let me share a little.
I have a friend that texts me over the ocean just to say “hi”, who buys me my favorite brand of jeans and sends me cozy blankets just because she knows I like the ones in the US better.
I have rad friends who send us extra support instead of buying their super cute girls the latest houndstooth GAP jacket and who can use Twilight quotes inappropriately just to make me smile.
I have a friend who is in the “Stray Magnolia Club” who knit me scarves, makes jam and muffins and send me PM’s that she misses me and whose chats are Starbucks change my life.
I have another Stray Magnolia friend who has sat at happy hour for HOURS just to spend time together and taught me to appreciate coupons….even though I never used them. LOL
I have a friend who I haven’t seen in years but somehow knows she’s everything to me and will tell me about her foster son and how I can pray for him even though I can’t seem to get a private message back to her.
I have family that would send packages and pay outrageous prices just to make sure their grandchildren, neices and nephews all have gifts on Christmas.
I have family that bought us beautiful furniture because they knew an empty room made me feel sad.
I have family that is taking us on a cruise in June….I am already counting down the days.
I have friends who fly in from other countries with their WHOLE family just so we won’t be alone.
I have friends who teach others to see the world differently by looking through the lens of a camera and teaching me the same with every conversation.
I have friends who when I post on FB that I need prayer…literally send me prayers in PM’s.
I have friends who have listened to my fears and insecurities for years and have yet to tell me I am not good enough or not strong enough to follow God.
I have friends who have suffered more pain than I imagine possible who still manage to ask me, “How are you REALLY doing?”
I have the kind of friends who call my husband and ask him hard questions about his most personal life and hold him accountable for Godliness and Holiness and the leading of our home.
I have the kind of friends that harrass us about OSU and push us to follow Jesus all in the same email and one is surprisingling funny for a dentist.
I have the kind of friends who quote “Can I Have Your Number”, “Bon Qui Qui” and scripture in the same breath.
I have the kind of friend who is late to pick up her daughter to run wedding errands because she took time to call and chat about life.
In short…..
I am beyond blessed…I am overwhelmed…my cups runneth over with gift of love from them. And while I said that tears are “not my thing” I find that I am in tears thinking of what an incredible gift it is to know them. To not just know them in passing but really know and be known by these dear ones.
This Christmas, I will open gifts and I will give gifts but perhaps in someways I am discovering the meaning of Christmas in a very unique way. You see…I did nothing to deserve salvation. My sins have been and are great. AND YET…I receive blessing up on blessing in my relationship with Jesus because I am forgiven and regenerated and therefore I am able to commune with the Holiest of Holy God. And as I recount just this one area in my life….the area of friends..I realize that it’s through His people that His love reaches to very ends of the earth. It’s His spirit that dwells within us that empowers and encourages our friends and others to know Him and “press on” and “finish well.” I want to encourage all you…to BE LOVE this season. Show Jesus to those around you …to those you know by loving them.
And last but not least…..to my DEAR ONES,
There simply are not words to share my incredible gratitude for your presence in my life. Your laughter and prayers, support and encouragment has been the tangible proof of God’s love for me for many years. And when your names cross my lips I have to intake an extra breath because of the weight of love and devotion I have for you. So I pray with all the power of Jesus that you experience the same joy and friendship you have given me. I pray that this year will find you marveling at the works of Jesus and that He reveals more and more of His amazing love to you. I asked in the name of Jesus that our Father God would rain from heaven His spirit upon your lives so you find nothing more sweet than your time in His Word and you are compelled to love others as you have been loved. And finally, please know…that while I can not sign this or give you gifts…please please know that not a day goes by that I don’t pray for and love you. Know, that you all are one of my most treasured gifts..a gift of which I am completely unworthy and I will forever stand at the feet of MY Jesus and thank Him for showing Himself to me through all of you!
With more love than I can bear
Rebecca
Taking the blame
10 Dec 2010 1 Comment
in christianity, encouragement, faith, family, friends, funny stuff, Just thinking, Kids, Life, motherhood
One of the things you have to be very careful of here is the men. They “cat call” and say things to you when you pass. They are harmless and after awhile you don’t hear it anymore. But one day delightful day I had gone to the gym early early in the morning and because I had arabic class right afterwards I took clothes for the day, including all the toiletries I would need to get ready. Well..as soon as I leave the gym I hear the ineveitable “PSSST PSSTT” (this is how men try and get your attention). But I kept walking thinking nothing of it. Then I hear it again, and again. I get in a cab and go to my class. Afterwards…I hear more “PSSSTTT PSSTT”. Naturally, I ignore this and keep walking…only to hear MORE “Psst Psst”. At this point I am annoyed. “Why can’t these men just grow up!? Why can’t they keep there minds out of the gutter?! Don’t thay have ANY respect for women?! UGH!?” So I walk home becoming more and more irritated with every step…all the while, STILL hearing “Pssst Psst.” By the time I get home I am DONE. Ready to move home where men “know better”. So I go to my bedroom, literally throw my gym bag on the bed and I hear “PSSSSSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTTTTTT”. Suddenly a huge puff of smoke comes from my bag and I realize that what had been frustrating me all day …was not MEN…at all… It was my powder body spray!! I just stood there staring at the bed. I had been and was SOOOOOO frustrated all day at Egyptian men that now…to discover that, in fact, I was the problem was completely incomprehensible to me. Besides, I reasoned to myself, they still cat call and every bad thought I have had about them today IS TRUE….right?! RIGHT?!?!?!
Ok-no…not right. I was the problem…I had made big big assumptions and was ready to judge an entire country of men, abandon my life here, get on a plane and return home..all over body spray. As I walked over to the bed and righted the bag the “Psssstttting” immediately stopped. I looked at myself in the mirror and thought well now there is no reason at all to be frustrated…but I still felt frustrated. I am ashamed to admit that I was even a little disappointed to discover that I was not being found attractive …I know right!?! Totally crazy!! But these are the games that go on in my head.
So how does this play out in my life? Well, today I realized that I am very often times the problem. When I am struggling, I have the power to make my home tense. When I am short and snappy with the kids…you can bet their attitudes come out. When I am tense and short with Trevis he will get that way with me. And so often I expect to be catered to. I am easily frustrated and tired…I think we all are because life is not a cake walk. But do we realize the power we have to affect our home? Do you let things that have nothing to do with family life dictate how you treat those closest to you? My friend Paige and I use to joke that when we die, our friends will get up and say great things about us…and our husbands will look at the program and the woman in the casket and ask,”Are you sure your at the right funeral?”
One of the areas in my life that I am bringing daily before God is, I want to be a woman clothed in strength, dignity and grace. I want to be a jewel in my husbands crown. I want to be safe for my children. Perfection is not my goal. Of course, I will mess up…of course, I will not be able to obtain this goal..but I very much desire to continually be changed into the likeness of Christ. And maybe…just maybe, my children and husband will see my heart ALONGSIDE my failures. Because I think most of us mothers lay down every night and think, “Tomorrow I will be better. Tomorrow I will be more patient, more kind, more understanding, more….whatever.” I do, at least….but here’s the thing. While we are called to aspire to be full of grace, and compassion..we can only be those things when we are walking with the Lord. We can only change …truly change when the Holy Spirit begans to reshape us. Because if we just “do it” on our own…inevitablly we will get tired and become exhausted with trying to be someone we are not. Only in Christ is there hope for a renewed heart and mind..only He can take what is selfish and sinful and turn it into something beautiful…And He is waiting to help.
p.s. Many of you have sent me wonderful FB private messages. I promise to sit down and write you all back in the next 2 weeks. I usually am doing FB on my phone and it’s hard to respond…but your words are amazing and I am humbled and encouraged. Thank you for your encouragment. May we all continue to press on for Christ…together.
Blondes Don’t Have More Fun….
07 Dec 2010 5 Comments
in christianity, encouragement, faith, family, friends, Jesus, Just thinking, Kids, Life, motherhood, travel
Ever have those moments when your heartbreaks for your children? Last night was one of those nights.
Here in Egypt, children are greatly loved and adored by all people. Many times, as small children pass they are touched and complimented and often given gifts/treats. It’s really a beautiful thing. However, because this is not our first culture this is particularly hard for our children. Specifically, Ava.
Ava is a little bit different than my other children. With Claire and Jorden you can bet that what you see is what you get. Ava on the other hand appears to be very confident but is actually quite reserved and hesitant to try new things. Here Ava draws ALOT of attention because of her blonde hair. Everyone remembers her name. Every body on the street (very gently and in a non-harmful way) touches her head or her cheek. It’s not uncommon for people on our way to school to run out of their shop and call her name. Now, sometimes…this is ok with her. If she is feeling especially happy she will wave and bid them “Sebah ElHare” or Good morning. But most of the time this is very difficult for her.
Last night as I was washing dishes Ava comes in and sits on the chair next me. She begins by saying, “Mama, I don’t like it when I have to be nice to people on the street.” Now my first reaction was to laugh a bit and say, “WHY?!” Then she proceeds to tell me how uncomfortable it is for her to be patted and spoken too everyday…everywhere. Then at the very end she says, “I just wish my hair was brown or black or that I didn’t look like this.” Ok, for you mothers reading this you can imagine how my heart sunk at hearing my 6 year old tell me that she wishes she looked different.
So there we stood looking at each other. Me, silently praying for some words that would really mean something to her. I didn’t want to pacify her. I didn’t want to tell her, “Your beautiful. Don’t worry about it.” Instead, I actually wondered if we should do a dark non permanent wash on her hair…I wondered if it would make difference and I wondered where to find it. She: looking at me with large dark sad eyes…waiting for comforting words from me. So rather than suggesting we dye here hair I asked her, “Do you realize that God made you extra special? You are the only one out of the five of us that has blonde hair. And He knew you would grow up in Egypt. Do you think that God makes mistakes?” She answers a quiet, “no”. “And do you know that one day your hair will be brown like mommies, so it’s just a little bit of time for you have yellow hair”? “Really?” she answers. Then I said,”Yes, so it’s just for a little bit that you have to have blonde hair. But now, God wants you to trust him? Accept that you are especailly created in His image and when you feel uncomfortable remember that He is with you. And remember ..Daddy and I will make very sure that you are never harmed and while I expect you to be respectful, you don’t have to be friendly to strangers.” She just sadly nodded and went in her room and cried. So I just crawled in bed with her and we snuggled, we prayed, we talked about home, cousins, grandparents and friends. This morning she was better. A little extra time and it seemed that it was enough to get her through the day.
As I think now I realize that my reaction to lifes hardships are very similar to Ava’s. I want to change things or fix things before I really seek to trust in the Lord. I am so quick to think of alternatives rather than simply saying, “Lord, give me the grace handle the situation you have placed me in. Change me so that through this time I can draw closer to you.” And so often, after I have spent time in the word or in prayer, I really do find the strength to rest and trust in His plans for my life.
Today Ava is fine. Laughing with little kids on the street and waving to the man that does everyones ironing. It seems that for now the crisis has passed. But my heart is still “on guard” for her. I will now put her on the other side of me when we pass people. I will now look people in the eye and shake my head when they see her and smile because Ava and her security is more important than the approval of those around me. But most importantly, parenting (once again) has shed light on a weakness in my life. A weakness that when not identified will lead to a “pull myself up by the bootstraps” mentality.
I am grateful for the opportunity to pray for and with my daughter, even though I grieve the heart ache she is dealing with. I am grateful that God revealed to me the danger of “jumping to fix” things when what I really need to do is trust. But mostly, I am glad that she actually talked to me …and I think that is what God must feel when we finally get to a point that our burdens are to heavy to carry. He has joy in our commuication with Him. When we draw near..and we give Him the opportunity to be our comforter and our shelter..it there in those sweet moments that we are weak enough and vulnerable enough to really experience the true sweet healing spirit of our Loving Savior.
Marriage=8 more and hold
28 Nov 2010 1 Comment
in christianity, encouragement, faith, family, friends, funny stuff, Jesus, Just thinking, motherhood, travel
I am a fitness instructor. At the studio here in E, I really push my classes. My favorite phrase (and I suspect every instructors) is “8 MORE AND HOLD!” What this means is we do 8 more reps of whatever we are doing and then hold the contracted muscle in a static hold for 16 more counts. It’s great!! When you finish your last 8 reps, the muscle is fatigued and then when you hold the muscle in a contracted state and for the next 16 seconds it’s reeeaaaaallllyyy pushed. It hurts,it may even shake and and the last 8 counts of that 16 are the longest of your life and when you are done and it’s time to release it’s incredibly rewarding. I always feel like I have pushed my body beyond what it is capable of and I love seeing my girls pushing themselves, determined to finish well.
Trevis and I have been married for almost 12 years. By God’s grace, our marriage is happy and loving…but it has definately had it’s share of trials and God has done (and continues to do ) a mighty work in our lives to make it that way. (You can read more about that here. There have been season of romance, seasons of sweet friendship, and seasons of “I may just kill you before morning.”
When we were making our leap across the world there was a real sense of “togetherness”. We were amped! We were patient! We were in awe that we were actually moving. The first weeks on the ground here were crazy. Both of us were in culture shock. Neither of us knew anything: not where to get bread or milk…the very basic essentials seemed totally unattainable. And sure, we had a few arguments but for the most part~it was a very sweet time of unity and excitement.
Over the last few months we have experienced a great many things. We have both been pushed to our limits mentally and emotionally. At the end of the day, neither of us have much to give because we have exhausted ourselves just trying to get through the day in the Arab world. I confess that I have been petty and trite. He would confess that he has “micro managed” more than normal. We both feel that we are walking on eggshells lately.
Yesterday, I was processing this season in our lives. The truth is, we have been here before. It’s not new. In fact, I bet most of yall have been here before. We are growing. Being stretched. We are being pushed-God is asking us for “8 more and hold”. I have to be honest and say that often I look in the mirror and wonder how I wound up here in E. I wonder if Trevis married the right kind of woman. I wonder if maybe I should be more spiritual, more secure, stronger, more capable. I wonder what the next years hold. I know as we grow and adapt, things will feel more normal but there is always the thought, “Do not settle. Do not be passive in your marriage. Choose to be in love. Choose to not be petty. Choose to forgive easily.” It’s work…it’s a choice…it’s a daily exercise to pick up the weight of the world with my husband and walk on into whatever God calls us. And not just “walk on” but “walk on” well.
LAST 8 : 1.Walk on exhausted. 2.Walk on insecure. 3.Walk on committed. 4.Walk on because it’s a season. 5.Walk on because you know that you are being perfected. 6.Walk on because you know God is and has been faithful. 7.Walk on because you know joy is coming. 8.Walk on because in the end the reward is greater than the suffering.
And HOLD: Walk on determined that you will trust God even when it feels like you can’t.
*** Now before, I go…please rest assured that my marriage is NOT in danger. Eggshells are part of life and marriage, at times. We still laugh a lot and truly enjoy each other. I still get treats, flowers and many (much to my childrens disgust) sweet kisses… I just wanted to give you a small glimpse into our life here and let you know what God is doing this week. Ma Salama…
Fitting In and Rising Up
21 Nov 2010 6 Comments
There is really alot to be said about living in another country. Really ALOT …but today I think what is pressing on me is that I really just don’t feel like I belong. Don’t get me wrong, things are progressing nicely. I never dreamed that in just 4 months I would be working at a great studio, having coffee with new friends, and enjoying a wonderful bible study with incredible women. So I don’t mean to give the impression that I am entirely alone…but I just feel so…so…different! And not different because I want to be …different because no matter what I do or what language I speak-I AM DIFFERENT!
This week was sort of overhwhelming. We went to an event where we were the only Americans there other than the guest that were brought in to perform. Then earlier this week we (Trev, me and Ava) were on the Metro where some “sweet” adolescent boys decided to bombard us with questions all while invading our personal space. (Of course, being married to an ALPHA MALE..made this experience a bit easier as I knew He would not hesitate “deal with them” should they dare to touch one of his girls-but still.) And yesterday was just bad because it was bad! I tell you sometimes just going down the street can be hard depending on the kind of mood I am in. Should I be weak and vulnerable -I notice every glance, every women that does not return my smile. However…should I be fine…I notice how lovely the children are and I notice all the smiles that are returned. I feel that I have never been more self aware or self conscience in my life. I so long to just fade into the background. To be surounded by people who just ….look like me.
If you know me, you know that I deflect stress with humor. I laugh when I am nervous and I make passing funny statements about very serious things. Maybe I am emotionally immature or maybe…I am just not equiped to be serious. Either way, I find here that I am very serious ALL THE TIME!! I don’t like who I am here most of the time. The novelty of living overseas is long gone. And I simply can not believe it will be 2 YEARS before I come home for a visit. WOW…..
I know that all this shoud serve as a reminder that this world is not my home. I should be dwelling on the fact that I don’t really “belong” anywhere. I should find joy in knowing that I will oneday never move and spend eternity with Christ. All those things are true and I do find peace and comfort in that knowledge. But I don’t want to pretend that how I FEEL about NOW is not real. I don’t want to gloss over the lonely and hard parts of my life. I don’t want to lie to you or try to inspire you with romantic words and “tid bits”. I want to give you the realness of going beyond yourself and trusting God.
Yesterday I was reading Isaiah 32. 9-20. It speaks specifically to complacent women. I encourage you to read it. Read about the effort we are called to make for those “growing up in thrones and briers.” I am a complacent woman. Not in my daily life “actions” but in my heart…in my head. I like comfort (you all know this), I like easy. I think most of us do. But, for me, here? Right now? Easy is no longer and option. Ironically, my life doesn’t look much different than in the States. Today I will grocery shop, pick up a gift for a friend, cook dinner, teach a toning class at 7:30pm and come home to my sweet family. But still, today I have to choose: Do I walk through today complacent-just trying to not be different? Do I leave here to get groceries, only to rush to be done so I can download on FB or watch a movie? Do I look past every minute of effort awaiting comfort? OR do I embrace each minute? Do I toil and work to make my day count for something? I confess that often I can not wait until that moment that the kids are in bed, the TV is on and I have a snack in my hand. And that is indeed a divine moment. BUT is that moment deserved because I have lived intentionally and gave myself fully to the people and task the Lord gave me during the day. Or rather~ do I simply feel intitled to it! For me….it is usually the later!
Today, by the grace of Christ, I will heed the words of Isaiah 32:9, “Rise up, you women who are at ease, hear my voice; you complacent daughters, give ear to my speech.”
…I’ll let you know how it goes
Rise up with me!!
