How Do I Love Him (part 3)

rebecca7 — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 21:12:43 +0000

He’s working late, again. His November project is wrapping up this week. Next week new interns come and need to be prepped. Then it’s a long week of prep for another trip and then he is gone for 10 days. He is already tired. He apologizes 10 times in 3 minutes for not being home …because he wants to be home. I tell him it’s ok. That I understand…and I really do. I tell him that I release him to do what needs to be done and I mean it….because I know he wants to be here. Because I know that being upset will only make his burden heavier. Because I know he misses me and the kids. So I release him….but I will wait for him to come home before going to bed…no matter how late. Because he needs a kiss and small arms to wrap around him to remind him that doing God’s work isn’t always easy but it is always blessed.

Since moving here I have had more time away from my husband than ever in the States. Ironically, because he loves what he is doing…it doesn’t feel like a burden to our home. He comes home tired but energized from work and always with stories that are inspiring. God has given me strength and grace that I never knew I had for the nights he isn’t home or the weeks he is traveling. I am grateful for those new areas of growth in my life. In the very beginning of our time here I found myself a little overwhelmed by all that was required of me. I have to be more independant, I have to always be on my guard, I have to figure out how to speak to people who have no idea what I am saying or need. It’s no picnic…even if the pics look cool. So when Trevis would be working late or traveling..I had a small bit of bitterness in my heart.

As I took this bitterness before the Lord I discovered that 1. Bitterness only divides 2.Biterness usually leads to assumptions that aren’t true. 3.Bitterness is an endless pit of self loathing. The key to getting out of bitterness is to repent (first) and then to take a good long look at the situation. I can make my husbands life very hard…..or I can bless him. Which do I chose? Because, honestly, it is a choice. It’s a decision to say, I will not hold love, affection or blessing from my husband when he is merely trying to serve the Lord, our family and those around the world who are depending on him to provide services that will aid in their plight to serve the poor. So here is the question…Am I a blessing or a burden?

Now we women have needs and they need to be met….but giving our husbands the freedom to not meet all our needs and still be the love of our lives is a choice. It’s not touchy feely…it’s not “the movies”…it’s the reality of being married. It’s the reality of understanding that our ALL our needs are not going to be met in our husbands, best friend, family etc…all our needs are met in God and God usually uses a collective community of people to meet our needs on various levels. I have met so many women who are discontent in their marriages because their husbands don’t understand certain aspects of their personality….well….my question to them is, “How hard do you try to understand all aspects of your husbands personality?” See the hypocracy? Trevis not understanding me in a few areas of life is only a problem if I forget the areas that he does understand. Maybe I should release Trevis to be all that God created him to be. Maybe by releasing him I have the precious opportunity to see God fill the holes in my heart with everlasting grace.

This week God sent a dear friend from college to visit me alllllll the way over here in Egypt. He knows that me being alone for a month is extremely difficult for me. God knew I would need sweet fellowship and laughter. He sent me Beth to watch movies and laugh with me while my husband was wrapped up in finalizing a project. Who could have known my husband would be so swamped THIS PARTICULAR week when this trip was planned 5 months ago? God….and He met my need. He did not leave me stranded, exhausted and alone. He sent a special blessing…one that spoke to my heart, healed my soul and brought me closer to home than I have been in months. What an intimate gift from God? He will do the same for you, too when you need Him.

My husband has called now and is on his way home. It’s 11:30pm and he wants to stay up and chat for awhile so I am going to wrap this up and put the kettle on for tea. This week..I encourage you to be a blessing. Think about releasing your expectations of having all your needs meant by your husband and ask God to fill the gaps. See what happens…..Being a blessing is not about “rising above your feelings”. It’s about being honest with God about your feelings and the areas in your life that need to be filled with more of who HE is.

I know know know this is not easy. Please do not mistake in thinking that I have no trouble releasing my husband…I do…because I love him fiercly and I need him desperately but I continually pray…for the grace to bless Trevis and my home.

Ok,He is home. Time to go…he has brought home his project for me to see. I have no idea what construction plans should look like….but you can bet …I’ll think his plans are amazing.

A Joyful Noise

How Do I Love Him (part 3)