The Responsibility of Friendship

03 May 2011 4 Comments

by rebecca7 in Uncategorized

Last week my dearest friend in all the world, Susanne, called me….in tears. “Where are you?” she asked sobbing. “I need you. I need to talk with you and NOT just once or week or whenever you decide to call. I need you to read my writings and respond. I know it’s hard but I need you!!” I sat on the other end of the phone shocked. Immediately, I began apologizing and explaining that my mom had been here for a month and it was hard to chat. And she listened and cried and said, “I know but…..”…more tears.

I was heartbroken. I had failed her. I had not kept all the promises I have made to love her and to be there whenever she needed me. And in the process this incredible woman who is enduring more suffering than I ever deemed imaginable felt alone. But here’s the thing that I LOVE about my friendship is SHE KNEW SHE HAD THE RIGHT TO EXPECT MY SUPPORT and when I failed her, she let me know. And when I said I was sorry, she imediately forgave me…with a warning that I needed to be more accessible. We then proceeded to talk for 2 hours where we laughed and chatted about everything and nothing at all. We had to go when she arrived at her destination and with no words of consequence she said a quick “Oh, I’m here. I gotta go. Love ya”. I got off the call and thought to myself…is there no end to her grace?

You see here is the thing about friendships. They are in levels. Some are distant friends that you can enjoy and relate to intimately and quickly when you see each other. Some are fun in a group. Then there is a special special level where your soul and spirits meet. It’s the sweetest thing in the world to experience. It’s not something that happens often. I have the great privilege of encountering the last type 5 times. These women have the right to pick up the phone tell me to come home because they need me ….and I will try and move heaven and earth to get to them as fast as I can.

Now something that we don’t think to much of is the respondsibility of friendship. Most of us sort of fall into them with no thought and are usually based on circumstance. But I am going to ask you to think a bit deeper for the moment. You see when you enter into a “soul sister” friendship you enter into a commitment that is quite deep and needs to be examined thouroughly. It needs to be recognized that there is a respondsiblity on your part to become selfless. You need to recognize that BEING a friend is just as important as having one. You need to understand that inevitably you will be let down and you need to be willing to forgive easily. You need to be excited when God blesses them with friends, a house, a new job and freely give your love. You need to be willing to pray and let God do in their lives what HE wants them to do or go through…and not what you want.

Currently 2 of my 5 friends are suffering terribly and contact is hard. Especially with the time difference. The cirucmstances of thier sufferings are not short nor small. They are not quick fixes. They are long drawn our sufferings that will leave scars and pain upon thier lives until they are renewed at the feet of Jesus. Most of the time, all I can say is, “I am so sorry.” Most of the time, I have no words and all I can do is leave a message on Whatsap or Facebook. Most of the time I feel that I am failing miserably because I promised, I PROMISED to love them, to be there. Not seeing Susanne and Cari’s faces over the last months have caused me to nearly go insane with grief BUT on the flip side….I have begged God the last few months for Him to minister to them. I have held my hands open and asked God to give them peace, comfort. I have even prayed that God would bring a new friend into their lives who will love them and support them because the idea of them not having someone spoil them with treats, laughter or a physical touch is painful to me.

You see friendship is not simply a gift. I mean….it is….but it’s also a huge respondsiblity. If all you see is the gift then I ask you to rotate your view and look at it from the otherside. This week I have thought alot about my friends and the absolute blessing they are to me…but I have had to ask myself some pretty deep questions. Like, Am I only a good friend when it’s easy? Do I go beyond myself to serve them? Am I really concerned in the beginning and then sort of slowly step back when I realize that this isn’t going to get easier? I wrestle with myself because I realize that regardless of the time difference and the fact that my mom was here…I realize that I could have tried harder. Yes, things here are hard but that does not negate my respondisiblity to them. You see these women are not merely friends. These women are 2 of the many visible hands of Gods love in my life and they have the right to expect me to love them …fully….with no limits….with no excuses.

I can tell you that you risk alot when you enter into such deep friendships. It’s your heart and secrets, your strength and your sanity, your faults and fears, it’s your trust and insecurities. I firmly believe that you only cry with those who you laugh with. DO have friends like that? And have you placed your friendship in the hands of God and said not just “thank you” but “use me a servant of your love”? One of my other dearest friends always used to say, “hold everything with your palms up and open.” You see when we place our friendships in the hands of God, He will use them to encourage, build, change, challenge, support each other. Sometimes even go beyond what we ever expected. He will use them and use you to reveal very hard truths to each other. Often times one of these ladies have said something that I would never recieve from another soul…..and it’s changed me. It’s made me better.

You see as I sit here I think of how precious these friendships are and I realize that they have usually been refined and sweetened through hard times. When we have walked though maritial issues, or health concerns, sever depressions, grout issues (lol)…the list goes on. They are sweeter not because things were always fun and laughter. But because together we saw God change us …binding us together in Him….being tools of truth and grace to each other. I pray that God continues this with these friendships in my life. I pray that I am given their trust and that I will not fail them. I pray that my hands will be open and my heart understanding as God moves and shapes thier lives because in the end…in the end (or the beginning really) when all things are made new I want to stand at the feet of my Savior next to my family and loved ones and I want say “Thank you Lord for trusting me to be part of the life of these precious ones you have called as your own.” And as we cast our crowns at the feet of the ONE more worthy of praise than any other I want us to be TOGETHER……..

blessing
bec