The Freedom of Christmas

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I have a confession. Because of Facebook I am running into alot of people that I used to know in high school and college. This is great and I love it…but I have to say that it poses somewhat of a problem for me. You see, I am not the same person I was back then. Yes, I know we all change.. but I mean, I am REALLY not the same person. In fact, I usually feel the overwhelming need to apologize to anyone that knew me before 2003. Though, I came to know the Lord in 1989-it took years for God to really impact my way of thinking. I look back at who I was, especially during college, and I just cringe at what a wretched little selfish girl I was. Please do not get me wrong…I am still selfish (and wretched) but …..not like that. Recently, I had the opportunity to apologize to an old college boyfriend who was really a great guy…but I had no idea what to do with him because I had no idea how to look farther than my own reflection and selfishness. As a result, I was not honest with him and showed very little (if any) concern for his heart when the relationship ended. My actions toward him have caused me great shame for many years. God was good and merciful to give me the opportunity to repent, it was healing to lay down such a heavy burden. Though, I must say there are many people who I have hurt in the past and deserve an apology.

I am saying this tonight because I realized that I do not live what I believe. I believe that God can make all things new. He can transform a broken tainted life and make it beautiful. I believe He can raise what was dead and make it new. I know this because of what he did in my marriage. (See that here) I know this…because though I still wrestle with many selfish things…I am changed and continually being changed.

But here is the problem, I still feel the shame of who I was and of my actions for all those years in the past. So the question I feel my spirit asking is, “Do you believe that Jesus is what He said He is? Do you believe that Jesus can do what He says He can do?” Paul wrote in 2 Cor. 5:17 , “Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” I have read these words for years but, only recently, am I trying to wrap my brain around the absolute power and freedom found in them. I DO believe them…but I don’t live and walk in this truth everyday. I live with a thin film of shame on my life. It has wrapped very comfortably around me like an old blanket that serves no purpose. This is NOT what being a “new creation” means. In order for me to walk in this truth, I must pray and ask God to give me the wisdom, understanding and strength to continually remind myself that I am forgiven. I have to continually remind myself that I am not that same girl. I have to continually remind myself that Jesus has made me new and the old has passed away!! I have to continually remind myself that I am FREE! FREE to enjoy the grace that God has given me, FREE to share about what God is doing and has done in my life. I am FREE to be me…the me found in Christ, the me that lives for His Glory and not my own!!

This is important right now, to me, because Christmas is only a day away. You see, I am celebrating the coming of Jesus differently this year than in years past. Sure, I have always known that Jesus came to forgive us. I have, at times, so casually said this that I wonder if I really meant it at all. I have sung countless Christmas hymns with such a flighty heart that I am certain I was not worshiping my Lord. But this year I realize this birth was the beginning of a life that was only to be lived in order to bring about forgiveness of our sins and to empower us to walk in victory over them. My sins -though vast in number and more wicked than I dare say~ are no more. How great is our God? How must He love us to give such great grace when we are so vile? This child that we sing about and celebrate came to die for our freedom. Freedom from sin, so that we may look at the Father with an unveiled face and stand forgiven~free of shame!! O there is no gift as sweet as the gift of Jesus and the life I have found in Him!

Hark the Herald angels sings, “GLORY TO THE NEWBORN KING.
Peace on Earth and mercy mild; GOD AND SINNERS RECONCILED”

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